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The Broken Road – Opening My Heart

I had been so hung up the fact that Pricilla had not wanted me and that she selected money over love that I had closed my heart to the world.  I had no desire to really be with anyone else and truthfully did not value myself.  Women can sniff this self doubt out like a police dog finding drugs. If they think you do not value the person you are, you will never meet a girl that wants a serious relationship. 

Open_your_heartAmazingly, it took a puppy for me to start opening my heart again to love.  (For all you disgusting people out there that took that too far…gross). After only a couple of weeks of taking care of something other than myself, worrying about something other than myself, and being responsible for something other than myself, made me feel that I was starting to believe in myself. This may be a strange connection but for me it was exactly what I needed.

With my life in focus, the last thing I was looking for was a girlfriend at the time.  The old saying that when you are not looking is when love finds you is probably true.  Women do not see you as a person desperately seeking a companion when you are not looking, and you can ease into the possibilities of what might be.  There are no timelines or script that you are sticking to, you are yourself and can actually connect to that person.

After a long week of work, the only thing I wanted to do was listen to some music and watch the sunset.  On occasion, an escape from the everyday life of sitting behind my computer is necessary, although it is something I love, can be very mentally draining.  After a short bike ride, I sat on the beach for about an hour listening to music and staring at the waves.

For me the beach is my church.  I do not need someone preaching to me about how to live my life; all I need to do is see the beauty of what God created around me to have faith.  Every once and a while I need a time for reflection and looking inside myself.  I need to ask myself the hard questions. Am I happy with what I am doing? Do I want to continue living in Costa Rica? Are my dreams actually dreams or can I make them into reality? Will I ever truly get over the past? I try to breathe in everyday and let the pain of the past go. Each day it becomes easier.

After tying to center myself from the stress of business life and everything else in Costa Rica it was time for my tradition of sunset tacos.  For me there is nothing better than watching the sun go down over the ocean and enjoying some great food.  I am excited by the simple things and for me it does not get much better than that. But this day was different…

As I sat at my table alone, there was a group of 3 girls sitting at a table near me.  I felt awkward as I could not stop staring at one of them.  Although I was trying to do the suave look from the corner of my eye, I kept getting caught over and over again as she was looking at me as well. There was something about her that drew me towards her.  It was like a feeling of knowing her in the past or a bond we already shared that cannot be described.

I however am quite shy. When I get to know someone they will say otherwise but nothing terrifies me more liquid-couragethan being rejected.  When I was drinking I could take a couple of shots of tequila and a few beers I would talk to any woman at the bar.  Normally, I was trying to talk someone into coming home with me and continued until one said yes.  When you hear about alcohol giving people courage, that was me. A couple of shots of courage and I was ready to entertain the ladies.  Without it I was like Superman around kryptonite. But for some reason on that day I decided I was in the mood to at least try to be shot down.

I gracefully walked across the room trying to keep eye contact while tripping in my flip flops on a slight incline in the floor of the restaurant.  After the slight stumble I regained my composure thinking of walking by her table and pretending like I was going to the bar.  But there was something about her that drew me to her.

I arrived at her table knowing that I needed to speak Spanish.  I was not going to use a pick up line; I wanted to be sincere but also needed to get her away from her friends.  A female that is part of a pack is difficult to talk to as you have to also impress her friends.  It is like a job interview in front of a panel, you can have 2 of the 3 on the panel wowed but if that third one does not like you then you are probably not going to get the job.  It is the same thing with a girl and her friends.

I stumbled over some words in Spanish that came out, I think you are beautiful and want to get to know you better. Would you like to talk on the beach? Even after I said it I was cringing for the rejection that I knew was coming after I thought about what I just said. Surprisingly, the answer was “yes, but only in front of the restaurant”. Step one, getting her away from her friends had been accomplished.

As we stood in the sand I tried to use humor to make her smile and laugh but unfortunately I am not all that funny in Spanish, I have learned. The funny things I say in English do not translate well into the Spanish language as humor.  But after about 10 awkward minutes we began to talk like we had been friends for years; smiling and laughing the entire time.  Step two, making her laugh was complete.

UnicornThe rest of the afternoon was spent getting to know about each other. Our past experiences, our present lives and our future plans and we had so much in common.  The key for me was she was my unicorn in Costa Rica.  Let me explain….

A unicorn is a fabled creature that has never been seen, making it so we are not sure of its existence or not.  My unicorn was a female in Costa Rica over the age of 30, no kids, with a job, attractive and not in a relationship.   I thought for sure that a woman like this existed in Costa Rica but in the Jaco area it did not seem like it did.  That was the reason I bought the puppy.  This woman was my unicorn.  She was 35 years old, owned her own spa, did not have any children, and was gorgeous.  If I had met her one month before that she would not have been single but this was my day.

After a perfect day together, it was time for us to go our separate ways. She lived in Palmares and I would be staying at the beach.  But we both wanted to see where this would go.  With a warm heart I headed back home. Maybe I would get over my ex…it only took two and a half years to let go of someone that married for money.  Pretty silly of me, but people that think they are in love do stupid things.

As it is with almost every person that tries to push the drama and negativity out of their lives in order to pursue their dreams….a few last hurdles are always thrown your way.  I was so close to the happy ending I wanted in my life but I do not think the powers above were quite ready for me to quit fighting.

Next Up – One More Hurdle

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