I have no problem admitting that I think some of the things that people write into Dear Abby are flat out hilarious and I cannot imagine her writing this advice back with a straight face. Perhaps she is used to it after tall these years though.
DEAR ABBY: Before we met, my girlfriend got large breast implants. I think they’re a terrible turn-off, but I don’t know how to tell her. Should I try to overlook this because I love her, or can I tell her the truth about why our love life is sometimes not so hot? I have known her long enough that the next step is marriage — or nothing.
She walks around the house bare-chested and obviously thinks I find her breasts a big turn-on. I have faked it for five years. What should I do? — NOT THAT EXCITED IN COLORADO
DEAR NOT THAT EXCITED: Your letter is a lesson about the danger of “faking it.” Level with your girlfriend, but without using the words “terrible” and “turn-off.” Tell her you love her, but while many men find large breasts to be a turn-on, you actually prefer smaller ones — to the degree that it sometimes affects your sexual performance.
Explain that if she thinks her breasts are what have kept you interested, it’s not the case. At some point, one or more of her implants may need to be replaced, and she might opt for smaller ones.